


1+1=3

by LayWright



Category: Baldi's Basics (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Masturbation, Satire, Sex Toys, please for the love of god, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 04:59:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15598812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LayWright/pseuds/LayWright
Summary: Baldi is horny for math!





	1+1=3

**Author's Note:**

> My friend Pip helped me write this. We just opened a Google Doc and went ham. It's late and we're both tired please help us

Baldi started crying. His peanus weanus was hard but nobody wanted to touchy it :(. Guess he’d have to do some math and nut at division. Division always got his balls nice and churning full of POTENT SEED RRRRAAAAGGGHGHHH. And chewy but we don’t talk about that.

Gabe was that you.

He had to get to a math room quick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luckily the school was closed for today and all of the rooms are math rooms. Talk about convenience. Good thing the Principal Of The Thing was out so he could run in the halls and drip sexy powerful semen as a trail of _sexual effluvia_ marking his path. He could smell his own creamy trail, and it made him get harder and produce even more salty honey.

He had a _special_ ruler he kept in his desk. ;) It was 13 inches long and... _tender_ ... yet _firm_... and from Bad Dragon™.

Wait shit it was in his office God Damn It. Balbi made a sharp u-turn and crashed into the wall. FUCK.

He ran at the speed of sound. Actually he could only teleport short distances so this sucked. Quick, thinking about people getting math wrong!!!!

That did the trick. He got faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and fast- Oh he’s at his office now!!!

Baldi practically tore the door off of its hinges.

Filename2 was still there. “HGHFFK Oh god it’s [BEEP] you,, jgfdkk what now.”

“Shut UP filename I need my _special stick_.” Baldi said, voice dripping with lust.

Filename2 made a loud alien screech. “oK OK [BEEP] JUST TAKE IT HGFHJDFHJD FAR AWAY FRO M ME.”

“Oh, are you sure you don’t want to help me~?”  
  
“I’M PRETTY FU-SDJFKS-ING SURRE. I DONT EVEN HAVE A DRJFKS DICK. GO AWAY.”

Baldoof whined. “Oh yes, I love it when you yell-”

Filename2 exploded.

Baldi laughed and ran over to his drawer and grabbed his ‘special stick’. Just tocuhing it made him moan with his fucking ugly voice. “hhHUUURRRRHH” He moaned. (Like this: https://askbaldivoice.tumblr.com/post/176368482819)

Then teleported out of the office.

“IT’S SWWWEEEPON TIIIIME!!!” Oh Fuck it was Sweep Time GOTTA SWEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The broom rushed at him.

Then it saw what he was holding and immediately turned around and ran away. “IT’S **NOT** SWEEPIN TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME.”

Then Baldi went to a random classroom.

Baldi opened a door. _Finally_ , some fucking _privacy_.

And privacy for _FUCKING_.

Then someone runned in with a gun. “Baldi FUCK YOU”

“WHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-?” Baldi said, turning.

They shot him in his hyperinflated balls and they popped like two water balloons, splattering their salty payload all over the classroom the end.


End file.
